


How to think about you without it rippin' my heart out  ( we’d should never have to say goodbye)

by Dramaqueendeluxe



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, Major Illness, Multi, Sad, like super sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:34:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27530071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dramaqueendeluxe/pseuds/Dramaqueendeluxe
Summary: CalandMike. MichaelandCalum. They would always be there for each other, even if the world was ending.
Relationships: Calum Hood & Ashton Irwin, Luke Hemmings & Calum Hood, Michael Clifford & Luke Hemmings & Calum Hood & Ashton Irwin, Michael Clifford/Calum Hood
Kudos: 8





	1. It didn’t scare me when the earthquake happened

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I wrote this when I was in a really sad mood and I was listening to if the world was ending so that’s the inspiration for this train wreck:)

October 2025  
Los Angeles

Red leaves are leaving the trees right outside the window and the usually warm air is now crispy cold. 

Inside it’s warm however. Music is playing on a low volume trough the living room when Michael walks in. The kitchen and the bedroom are both empty but he finds his family in the living room. Calum is sitting on the couch, camera in his hands and big smile on his face. Hope, their daughter, is slowly trying to steady herself on her two legs. She takes tiny and wobbly steps towards Calum while he cheers her on. The sight makes Michaels chest ache. 

He steps forward into the room and catches the attention of his husband. Calum lights up even more and pats the seat next to him. Michael moves slowly towards the couch and leans into Calums warmth. Hope keeps wobbling around on the carpet, making her dads laugh softly. 

“ How was your day?”, Calums voice is a little rough and Michael almost forgets to respond.

“ It was good. Boring, but good. Ash and Luke are wondering if they can come over later this week by the way”, he keeps his gaze on his daughter and smiles at her when they lock eyes.

“ Sure, why wouldn’t they be able to?”, Calum asks innocently and Michael has to bite his tongue to avoid saying what he really wants to say. 

“ Just wanted to check”, is what he says after a minute of silence and that makes Calum look at him again.

“ I know. Thank you”, he says with the softest voice ever. A voice that makes Michaels heart clench and his eyes burn. 

“ Always”, he whispers and kisses Calum. 

They get interrupted by Hope when she finally makes her way over to her dads. 

May 2021  
London

Of course they’re in London when it happens. Some stupid sign from the universe about how the place where they got started would be the place that could break them. 

They get to London on a sunny Friday, all exited about the show that night. Afterwards Michael would kick himself for not seeing any signs. Ashton would assure him that there was no signs to be seen, Michael would of course ignore his positivity. 

They’re in their dressing room. They’ve done a million shows before and they still get some form of stage jitters, all four of them. Calum and Luke are messing around for Andys camera in hope they can create content for the tour vlog. Ashton is off doing something important like taking an ice bath or drinking coffee. Michael is like usually, planted in the middle of the couch with his Nintendo switch in his hands.

Their set goes well and the crowd is amazing, it should be a perfect night. Which it is, for the most parts. Sure, Luke did drop his guitar pick and Ashton almost fell over when he was making his way from the drum kit to the front for the final bow but other then that, the night has been a huge success. They’re at some local bar to celebrate the show when Calum decides to go buy a second round. Michael gets a bad feeling when he watches the man walk away and maybe he should go after him, but no Cals grown up and can handle himself and yet the feeling just gets stronger and stronger. 

Ashton and Luke are having a wild discussion about something on the other side of the booth and when it has been five minutes without Calums return, Michael mumbles some excuse to his non-listening friends and leaves to find the missing boy. 

There is a small commotion outside the bathrooms so Mike takes his chances. And sure enough, in the middle of a bars bathroom, lies Calum Thomas Hood unconscious. 

October 2025  
Los Angeles

Inviting Ashton and Luke over for dinner consists of pizza in the living room and a football game on the tv. Hope is curled up in her uncle Lukes arms. Michael eats almost an entire pizza for himself, Calum eats four slices and then lays his head on Michaels shoulder and closes his eyes. After a few minutes his breaths becomes deeper while Michael runs his finger trough the soft hairs on Calums head.

Luke is the one who breaks the silence.

“How is he doing?”, he whispers and searches Calums face for something that could reveal it.

“ Better”, Michael whispers back and he doesn’t know who he wants to convince the most. Ashton sends him a skeptical look but drops it anyways to his relief.

Calum sleeps the rest of the evening and only wakes up when the guys are leaving. He hugs Luke while whispering stuff in his ears and then Ashton grabs his hands and Calum hugs him too. The guys leave with smiles and Michael takes Hope to her bedroom. When he walks back to the living room he finds it empty. He tries the kitchen and the bathroom before finding the love of his love asleep on their bed. 

He changes into a pair of sweatpants and a tshirt before climbing into the bed next to Calum who immediately latches onto him like a koala.

May 2021  
London

Calum is in the hospital for almost eight hours before someone comes into the waiting room and talks to them. Their hangovers from the drinks at the bar passes while they wait and when a nurse finally calls Calums name, Michael is pretty sure they have at least ten coffee cups spread around them. 

The nurse is a tall blonde who looks at them with a painful amount of sympathy. 

“ Does your friend ever smoke?”, is the first thing she asks and Michael breathes deeply, in sync with the rest of his band. 

“ Sometimes, he’s trying to quit”, Ashton answers and the nurse smiles slightly.

“ Well I’m afraid that I have some bad news for you. Do you know if your friends been coughing a lot lately?”, she asks sweetly and Michael wants to run. He wants to run and run and run because this is not happening. Not to his best friend, his favorite person in this world. No thank you!

“ Maybe, he’s been mostly tired lately to be honest”, Luke answers with a shaky voice and Michael grips his hand tightly. 

“ I see, can we talk in his room?”, she asks and starts moving before they can answer.

Calums lying still on the bed. Machines are beeping loudly around him and he has wired poking him from every angle. Worst is the breathing however. He has a mask over his face and his chest rises and falls painfully shaky. 

“ Do any of you know the symptoms for lung cancer?”, she asks when the door is closed behind them and Michael starts crying immediately.

July 2021  
Sydney 

Calum gets a treatment plan and strict orders from his doctors before they send him back home to Sydney. He is only stage one at the moment and the doctors are hopeful. He’s young and active and healthy and best case scenario he beats this in a couple of months.

The rest of their tour is cancelled and they send out a message to the fans about having to deal with a personal matter and that they will return as soon as they can. 

Ashton and Luke return to LA to handle management and the press and also because their girlfriends are there. Michael however has barely left Calums side since they found out the news and Calum should maybe feel frustrated over it but he has always loved Michaels company so it really doesn’t matter. 

Michaels trying not to treat him differently then what he usually does and for that Calum is eternally grateful. 

They spend a few weeks in Sydney with Calums family. Joy cooks them feasts for dinner and David takes them out for different small adventures during the days. Even Mali Koa comes home for a while and Calum feels a little better about the situation.

His doctors visits are hard however and nothing seems to improve. He gets more medication and does more treatments and he gets more and more tired. Michael spends some time with his own family too and it’s during those moments that Calum starts thinking. About the future, the band, the fans, his family, his life. Everything. Sometimes it gets so big and overwhelming that it feels like he will never be able to breathe again.

He tells Michael about it one night when they are sitting on a blanket at the beach. The sun is slowly setting in front of them and Calum lays his head on Michaels shoulder while he talks. 

He rises his head and looks into Michaels eyes and shit, have they always been that pretty and blue?

“ I think I’m in love with you”, Michaels voice is barely a whisper and still it’s like music to Calums ears. 

“ Good, otherwise this would be really awkward”, Calum whispers back and then kisses him.

For a moment they are the only people on the earth.


	2. I know, you know, we know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It looks like life is turning upwards for the boys. How long will that last?

September 2022  
Los Angeles

It’s been over a year since Calum got his diagnosis and life is slowly returning to its normal. Well sort of. He has asthma now and singing is out of the window but he can play the bass and therefore manages to convince his band mates to finish the tour that they never managed to the year before.

Michael and him are closer then ever, always touching, orbiting around each other and Ashton makes a joke about how they are air for each other. He might be right. Calums life has always been a little easier with Michael by his side.

They have band practice every day until the tour starts and Calum has become a regular at the hospital cafeteria. His parents call him every day and his sister keeps encouraging him to continue his treatment. He hasn’t done chemo yet, the cancer is still mild enough to treat without it, so if you would look at him you wouldn’t be able to tell that he’s sick. But people know. Someone leaked it after they canceled their tour last year and Calum refused to go outside for over a month. 

People don’t look him in the eyes anymore and everyone is terrified to roast him or joke with him or even to just talk. It’s like there’s this big glass box between Calum and the rest of the world.

It’s the last day of rehearsal before the tour when Luke corners him alone.

“ Are you going to be okay?”, he asks casually, not in that painful sympathetic way that most people talk to him. And maybe that’s why Calum breaks down.

“ I don’t know! I don’t know anything about me or the future or anything and it scares me Luke. It’s terrifying, it’s bone chilling, I feel like ever since that day I got this stupid diagnosis, I’ve been numb. My body isn’t mine anymore! The fucking cancer has taken over it and it’s like I’m just waiting for the moment that it decides to take me too. Maybe if it does then I won’t feel so freaking alone anymore. I’m in a plastic bubble and everyone is just watching me decay but no one wants to make eye contact or even acknowledge the fact that I’m SICK. The only thing people care about is progress. Everyone says I’m doing better but I still wake up in the middle of the night unable to breathe and I’m fucking scared. I’m so so scared and I don’t need sympathy or fake hope, I just need someone to hug me and tell me that I’m allowed to be scared!”, he’s out of breath when he finishes the speech and tears are rolling down his cheeks but he feels so much lighter with everything said.

Luke nods after a moment and then takes a step forward and embraces Calum. He can feel Lukes heartbeat and that reminds him that he’s still alive. He’s alive. And he’s not alone.

December 2022  
Las Vegas

The band is on a guys weekend in sin city and Calum gets a chance to actually breathe. Tour was okay, it was a lot of hard work and breathing exercises but he made it trough and now he’s in Vegas with his best friends.

Ashton drags him to the pool on the second day. They sit at the edge with their feet in the water, Ashtons drinking a fruity cocktail and Calum has a virgin martini in his hand. Luke and Michael disappeared a couple of hours ago, but Calum is completely fine with spending some alone time with Ashton. Ashton makes him laugh and they talk about everything, everything except the cancer. Calum is so relieved about being able to forget his sickness for awhile that he forgets to freak about about not knowing where his boyfriend is.

He finds Mike when it’s almost dinner. Calum eventually retreated back to his room after his day at the pool, to watch Netflix and think. That’s when his boyfriend decides to barge in with a bag and the biggest smile.

“ Calum!”, he exclaims and jumps on the bed.

“ Hi baby, what’s up?”, Calum wonders and Michael smirks like he knows every secret in the world.

“ I want to show you something, on the balcony”, he finally says and Calum sighs but follows him anyways.

Out on the balcony the air is warm but still easy to breathe. Calum looks at his boyfriend and for the first time in a long time he looks relaxed. Peaceful. Happy. Michael looks back at him and then steps down on one knee. He opens the bag and pulls out a red ring pop. Calum forgets how to talk.

“ Okay so before you say anything let me just say what I want to say. I’m in love with you, and I think I have been since the moment we met. Your my best friend, my soulmate, my everything. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want morning coffee with you, I want grocery shopping and bickering over what movie we should watch. I want you, for better or for worse, I want you! Will you marry me?”

Calum nods. Once. Twice.

“ I’ll marry you any day and every day Michael Clifford. Yes, yes and a thousand times yes”, Calum answers finally and the kiss they share is filled with electricity.

Marrying each other turns out to be in a chapel at the hotel they’re staying at. Luke stands by Michaels side and Ashton stands by Calums  
side as they wow to always love each other. Their families are with them trough FaceTime and afterwards they waste money at the casino.

Marrying each other turns out to be not so different then how they were before. It’s cheeky looks at band practice, domestic touching in public and cuddling on every occasion they get.


End file.
